Everything is happening as though in a dream. You’re lost. You’re not sure whether to move on, step backward or stay where you are. I’ve always hated this feeling.
Hazy. Things pass you by and yes, they make you happy and help you grow but you cannot spare even a minute to reflect because of everything that’s happening. You want to cry, you want to jump around, shout for joy, tell everyone how happy you are. But right now, most of all, what you want is to find a quiet corner, just sit there and pray, reflect, maybe write.
I am happy, I know. I like the things that are happening. But my life seems to be running too fast I’m finding it hard to keep up. I need a break…
Things have been like this since the year started. Or maybe since sophomore year. Or maybe since college. But I’m pretty sure there have been points in my college life when I thought I had a clear view of where I was and where I wanted to be. so let’s narrow it down to this year.
In order to get a clearer perspective of where I am right now, I struggle to write about the reasons why my life is in a haze. I write from the top of my head, so I will most likely leave out some things and the order may not reflect the degree of importance. (I write in class, a quarter of my brain absorbing what my professor is saying.)
I started actively going to band gigs last year, and it’s been really awesome. (How I learned to love OPM is another long story I’m not sure I’ll ever get to write about.) I get to meet artists, go to places I’ve never been before, and most importantly, live the music. Honestly, I LOVE going to gigs. Just this month I’ve been to around five or six. It’s crazy.
Talks, theater performances, open forums, conferences, you name it. Especially theater performances, I also love them.
Man, this sem is hard. It’s supposed to be relatively easier since I don’t have a Math subject , but the requirements are really heavy. It’s quite fulfilling though. Contrary to what others feel, I’ve always liked my core subjects. (And sadly, I’ve always found my majors hard to love. :< But no, guys, I’m not shifting. At least not yet. ) It’s funny how we are able to find connections between the lessons we learn from our subjects this sem, from SA to Fil to Histo to Psych to Eco to Accounting. My blockmates will get this.
Friends/ orgs/ stuff…
Speaking of blockmates, my block is awesome. I just realized I’ve never written anything legit about them (not that this is legit), but they are. We don’t get to spend too much time together except during class and when preparing for quizzes, reports and exams; but it really saddens me that most of them are leaving for JTA next sem. L [Ahem, pasalubong. HAHA]
Of course I also have awesome orgmates. Matanglawin has been a family to me, ever since last year. My fellow EB members are my kuyas and ates (who bully me sometimes). I love how these people trust me with regards to the work that I do and at the same time are there for me when I need help, correct me when I do things the wrong way, and are my friends even in matters outside of the org.
Kaingin is the newest family I “discovered.” It started with me and a friend wanting to go to the same NSTP class, and then they “required” us to become members of the org. And from there, everything just fell into place. I got to know my classmates, my orgmates, and most especially the kids. (I’d love to make another blog entry describing how special NSTP was for me. Maybe I would if I find the time. :< )
So… I’m also part of other orgs (Gabay, AStat, MEA, AMP, DSLD, BCG, and I forgot if there’s anything more but oh well.) I’m not very active in these orgs. I join events or core teams here and there. But what I really value form these orgs are the people I meet and the friends I get to keep. Like what my SA prof said, you widen your network in college. Ateneo offers a world of opportunities, it can get overwhelming. If you ask me why I joined all these orgs, I wouldn’t know what to answer. But I do plan to join less orgs next year.
Okay I should stop because I don’t know where my train of thought is leading me. My life is as complicated as my writing, and this isn’t even all of it. There are so many things I want to think about, so many things I want to do. [Little rundown: minoring, running for EB, singing, playing my guitar, blogging, etc etc] I guess it’ll be nice to take things slow for a while. Maybe I should spend more time to write and reflect. A trip to the chapel later would be nice, too.